Esther Perel is a couples and family therapist with a private practice in New York City. She is on the faculty of the International Trauma Studies program at Columbia University, is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy, and has appeared on many television programs, including The Oprah Winfrey Show, Good Day New York, CBS This Morning, and HBO's Women Aloud. She lives in New York City with her husband and two children.
Iconic couples’ therapist and bestselling author of Mating in Captivity Esther Perel returns with a provocative look at relationships through the lens of infidelity.
Affairs, she argues, have a lot to teach us about the human heart—what we expect, what we think we want, and what we feel entitled to. They offer a unique window into our personal and cultural attitudes about love, lust, and commitment. Through examining illicit love from multiple angles, Perel invites readers into an honest, enlightened, and entertaining exploration of modern marriage in its many variations.
An affair: it can rob a couple of their relationship, their happiness, their very identity. And yet, this extremely common human experience is so poorly understood. Adultery has existed since marriage was invented, and so too the prohibition against it—in fact, it has a tenacity that marriage can only envy. So what are we to make of this time-honored taboo—universally forbidden yet universally practiced? Why do people cheat—even those in happy marriages? Why does an affair hurt so much? When we say infidelity, what exactly do we mean? Do our romantic expectations of marriage set us up for betrayal? Is there such a thing as an affair-proof marriage? Is it possible to love more than one person at once? Can an affair ever help a marriage? Perel weaves real-life case stories with incisive psychological and cultural analysis in this fast-paced and compelling book.
For the past ten years, Perel has traveled the globe and worked with hundreds of couples who have grappled with infidelity. Betrayal hurts, she writes, but it can be healed. An affair can even be the doorway to a new marriage—with the same person. With the right approach, couples can grow and learn from these tumultuous experiences, together or apart.
Fiercely intelligent, The State of Affairs provides a daring framework for understanding the intricacies of love and desire. As Perel observes, “Love is messy; infidelity more so. But it is also a window, like no other, into the crevices of the human heart.”
##昨天年度婚姻数据上了热搜,结婚率下降,离婚率高企,差不多两对结婚就有一对离婚,这好像也没甚稀奇的,大数据与身边肉眼可见的小数据,趋势完全一致。 年轻人越来越不愿结婚了,已婚的越来越不愿凑合了,这是文明的进步,且与女性的觉醒互为表里,是件好事。但是,结也好,离...
评分##the book does bring some interesting perspectives to the everyday notion of affairs 在这大概是史上最晚婚的时代,对爱情要求的最完美,每个人都在找Ta灵魂完美的另一半。 ——《Modern Romance》 最近发现,大家对出轨这件事的容忍度,越来越低了。不论是社交媒体上我们对公众人物背叛行为的口诛笔伐,还是当身边朋友遭遇伴侣出轨时,我们义愤填膺地劝ta果断分...
评分 评分 评分 评分##正如阿兰德波顿的推荐语所说的,作者睿智地探讨了不忠这一议题的复杂内涵,展现了理解之嫌心,并满怀善意。书中有许多精彩的句子,闪烁着作者的洞见。我最喜欢的是对当代爱情的精辟概括:现代世界运转的得越来越快,我们比祖父母更自由,但也更孤立。在我们对安全港湾不顾一切...
评分##最近在读Esther两本书,一本讲婚内,一本讲婚外(这本),都写的非常好,非常有启发,应该算是读过的两性关系的书里最好的了。Esther自身独一无二的经历:父母是纳粹集中营幸存者,重生的信念;自己多国成长的经历;Therapist的工作性质,使得她写的书不刻板教条,but enlighte...
评分 评分##昨天年度婚姻数据上了热搜,结婚率下降,离婚率高企,差不多两对结婚就有一对离婚,这好像也没甚稀奇的,大数据与身边肉眼可见的小数据,趋势完全一致。 年轻人越来越不愿结婚了,已婚的越来越不愿凑合了,这是文明的进步,且与女性的觉醒互为表里,是件好事。但是,结也好,离...
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